Go Fish
by Fish Stick Friday
Summary: Inspired by the episode "Big Time Reality." Logan is a pretty analytical guy. Too bad Go Fish isn't a thinking game. A funny look inside Logan's head as he plays Go Fish with Camille at Palm Woods Park.


**A/N: This was inspired by the episode, "Big Time Reality." I thought it would be funny to get inside Logan's head while he was playing Go Fish.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Go Fish**

Camille and I were at Palm Woods Park, sitting at a picnic table, and playing our favorite card game, Go Fish. Well, I should say we were playing Camille's favorite card game. For some reason, she always seems to beat me when we play. We had just dealt a new game. Both of us had seven cards in our hands. Apparently, none of us had any pairs as we didn't have any cards setting out in front of us.

"Do you have any jacks, Logan?" Camille asked.

"Go fish," I replied.

Camille drew a card. _Note to self: Camille has a jack. Let's see…there are 52 cards in a deck. I am holding seven cards, and Camille has eight cards. Since she hasn't laid down any pairs in front of her, it is safe to therefore assume that she has none. That would mean that I have an eight-thirteenths shot of asking for a card that she possesses because there are four of each card, two through ten, and jack through ace. _

"Are you going to take your turn sometime today?" Camille commented.

"Shh! I'm thinking here!" I replied.

"What's there to think about? Just ask me for a card."

I glared at her.

_Right, so where was I? Oh yeah, so since there are 52 cards in a deck, four of each rank, that means that there are 13 ranks. Being that I have no matches, I have a seven-thirteenths shot at picking a card that would match one of the cards in my hand. That is slightly better than a 50/50 chance; a 53.8 percent chance to be exact._

Camille sighed dramatically.

"What? You can't rush these things!" I retorted.

_Let's see…I have a 3, a 5, a 6, a 9, a 10, a jack, and a king. Wait a second! Camille asked for a jack, and I have a jack! Duh! Why didn't I think of that sooner? Here I was debating what card I should ask her for…_

"Do you have any jacks, Camille?" I asked, smirking.

She begrudgingly forked over her jack. I put that with my jack, and set the pair face up in front of me. _I'm the first one to get on the scoreboard. But I can't get overconfident. There are only 26 pairs in a deck. I may have one, but theoretically, I could still lose the game 25-1. Okay, so I have a 3, a 5, a 6, a 9, a 10, and a king remaining. What should I ask for next? Hmm…decisions, decisions…_

"Oh my gosh!" Camille said, exasperated.

"What?" I asked, confused by her apparent irritation.

"You're taking _forever_!"

"I am not! I'm thinking!"

"It's _not_ a thinking game, Logan! Really, it's not!"

"Maybe for you! You always win when we play!"

_Right, so now I have a six-thirteenth chance of picking a card that I have in my possession. That's slightly less than 50/50. More like a 46.2 percent chance. Uh-oh! The odds aren't in my favor now…_

Camille placed her cards in a neat little pile face down in front of her before standing up from her chair. Her annoyed expression written all over her face was as clear as day. I held my cards up, trying to shield the slight frown on my face from her. _I wasn't that much of a drag to play Go Fish with, was I?_

"I'll tell you what; I'll go get us some lemonade. By the time I'm back, _maybe_ just _maybe_ you'll have decided what card you want to ask me for," Camille remarked, before doing an about face and setting out to find the nearest vendor.

"What if I decide what I want to ask you for before you get back?" I called out.

"I won't hold my breath."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. 'I won't hold my breath,' I muttered mockingly under my breath.

_I could ask for a 3 but I don't even know if I want to ask for a 3. I mean sure it's a convenient number to ask for because it's the lowest, but who ever said I had to pick the most convenient number? Besides, if I want to talk convenience, then asking Camille for a king would be equally as convenient seeing how it is the highest rank of the six cards I am holding. _

Camille came back, and set a lemonade in front of me. She took her seat, and started sipping out of hers. I mumbled a thanks before resuming contemplating my next move.

"So, have you decided what card you want to ask me for yet?" Camille questioned.

"As a matter of fact, I have," I answered.

Other than the sound of a sprinkler running off in the distance, and the sound of a lawnmower running over a flip flop, all else was silent.

"Well?" Camille demanded.

"Well what?" I asked, bewildered by her sudden outburst.

"What card are you going to ask me for?"

_This is a total shot in the dark, but here goes nothing…_

"Do you have any threes?" I asked.

"Go fish," Camille replied smugly.

_I knew I should have went with 5, 6, 9, 10, or King!_ I drew a card from the "pool." It was another jack. _Due to the fact that I had a pair of jacks laying down in front of me, I knew that there was one other jack out there somewhere. I knew that Camille couldn't be holding it because as soon as a player got a match, he/she could lay down the matching pair in front of them. Because she hadn't laid any pairs down in front of her, she couldn't conceivably have any pairs. This meant that the other jack had to be somewhere in the "pool."_

"Do you have any kings?" Camille asked me.

I held out my king for her to grab. She laid the matching pair in front of her. _Time for a progress report; Camille and I both had a pair in front of us. This meant that at the very worst, I would lose 25 pairs to 1. On the flip side, I could potentially win 25 pairs to 1 as well. Although based on my Go Fish track record, that is highly unlikely. _

"Got any nines?" Camille inquired.

I gave her my nine, which she promptly laid in front of her along with her nine. _Great! Now she's winning! Now the best I can manage is beating her 24 pairs to 2. Who am I kidding? Odds are I'll probably end up losing 25 pairs to 1!_

"Do you have any fives?" Camille questioned.

_What the heck? Can she see my cards? Is that what's going on here? Is she peeking?_ It may have been childish, but I threw my five at her. _I knew it! It looks like I'm well on my way to losing 25 pairs to 1! Oh well. It's better than the complete shut out that happened the last time Camille and I played Go Fish._

"Do you have any eights?" Camille asked.

"Ha! No! Go fish! In your face!" I responded.

Camille shook her head at me, probably in disapproval of my behavior. That was confirmed by her ensuing remark as she drew a card.

"You're so weird," she commented.

"I am not!" I replied, slightly offended. "I'm just stoked that I finally get a turn again!"

_Alright, so I have a 3, a 6, and a 10 in my hand. There are still thirteen ranks in play, so I have a 23.1 percent chance of picking a matching card. Wow! That's significantly less than 50/50. I suppose I could ask for a three again, but maybe that's what she's expecting me to do. So then, perhaps I should ask for a ten, but wait; with three cards in my hand, there's actually a clear middle card this time, so therefore, maybe I should ask for a six._

Camille obnoxiously sipped her lemonade while I was debating what card I should ask her for. I tried not to let it distract me, but it was a losing battle. _Was it really necessary for her to sip her beverage so loudly? _

"Can you not do that?" I asked a tad louder than I had originally intended on. "Please?"

"I'll stop if you ask me for a card _right now_," Camille countered.

"This isn't a negotiation, Camille."

She started to sip even louder than before. _Who was being childish now?_ _It was kind of hard to concentrate with all that sipping. Focus, Logan. Focus. Okay, so the only card I know with absolute certainty that Camille has is an eight. Naturally, that doesn't do me any good seeing how I don't have any eights myself. Do I dare ask for a three again, hoping that the most recent card she drew was a three?_

"Do you have any threes?" I asked.

"Go fish," Camille answered.

_I knew I shouldn't have asked for a three! Why did I ask for a three? I had a chance to lessen her lead, tie things up, or maybe even take the lead myself, but I had to go and blow it by asking for a stupid three! _I angrily drew a card from the "pool." It was an eight.

"Do you have any tens?" Camille inquired.

"Unbelievable!" I exclaimed as I handed her my ten.

_See? I could have had my second match if only I had asked for a ten on my last turn! Then I only would have been trailing three pairs to two rather than the four pairs to one I'm trailing by now! _

"Do you have any queens?" Camille asked after she laid her matching tens in front of her.

"Go fish!" I replied excitedly.

Camille picked a random card from the "pool." Now, she was back up to six cards in her hand. I only had three cards in my hand.

"By any chance, do you happen to have any…I don't know…eights?" I asked barely able to contain myself.

She gave me her eight without even looking at me. I eagerly put the matching pair beside my matching pair of jacks. _Okay, I'm still trailing by two, but it's better than trailing by three like I was a few seconds ago! It wasn't beyond the realm of possibilities that the latest card she acquired was a three. You know the saying; if at first you don't succeed, try, try again._

"Do you have any threes?" I asked.

"Go fish," Camille replied.

I moodily plucked a card out of the "pool" nearly overturning the surrounding cards in the process. My newest card was a four. _Stupid saying! If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Who even says that? Whoever came up with that should die or something!_

"Got any sixes?" Camille inquired.

I let out a frustrated sigh before saying, "Take it!"

Camille put the matching pair in front of her, next to her four other ones. _So she is now winning five pairs to two. Given that there are 26 pairs in a deck, that means that there are 19 pairs left. That means that if Camille played a perfect rest of the game, she could only beat me 24-2._

"Do you have any fours?" Camille asked me.

"Oh, come on!" I exclaimed, chucking my corresponding card at her smug face.

She placed her sixth matching pair in front of her. _She only has three cards left, and I know one of them; a queen. If she was smart, she would ask me for a queen so she won't tip off what her other two cards are. However, she knows that the card in my hand is a three. There's no way she could possibly have a three in her hand because I just asked her for one on my last turn._

"Got any queens?" she asked me even though she already knew the answer was 'no.'

"Go fish," I replied.

_Darn it! Here I wanted her to reveal what one of her other two cards was! Now she has three cards that I don't know what they are instead of just the two! I don't have to debate about what card to ask her for being that I only have one card in my hand. I just hope that the card she just drew was a three._

"Do you have any threes?" I asked.

"Nope. Go fish," Camille responded.

_That's just my luck!_ I drew a card from the "pool." It was a two.

"Do you have any queens now?" she inquired.

"Ha! You wish! Go fish!" I boasted.

She drew a fifth card. _I hate how secretive she is being! I only know one of her now five cards in her hand! _

"Got any threes?" I asked, unwilling to reveal my other card to Camille. _If she wanted to be secretive about her hand, then two could play that game._

"Go fish," she replied.

I scooped up a third card from the draw pile; a seven. _At least she doesn't know what two of my cards are! _

"I have to ask; do you have any queens?" Camille said.

"Go fish," I answered.

Now she had six cards in her hand. _One of them was for sure a queen. _

"Do you have any threes _now_?" I asked.

"Go fish," she replied.

I picked up a fourth card from the "pool." It was a queen. _Just my luck! Now I get a queen!_

"Got any queens?" she asked. _I knew it!_

I coughed up my queen. She laid her seventh pair on the table in front of her. _You know what's worse than losing 6-2? Losing 7-2! Okay, so nine pairs were all matched up right now. With 26 pairs in a deck, that meant that seventeen pairs still were yet to be matched. She currently had five cards in her possession, and I had three: a 2, a 3, and a 7._

"Do you have any kings?" she inquired.

"Go fish!" I responded.

As she drew a card from the "pool," I couldn't help but smile. _I finally know one of her six cards; a king. Granted, I don't have any kings in my hand, so it doesn't help much, but it's still better than not knowing any of the cards in her hand._

"Do you have any threes?" I questioned.

"Nope. Go fish," she answered.

"That's the fifth time in a row!"

I slammed my three cards down on the table out of frustration. _In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have slammed my cards on the table so that they were face up. It was too late now though…_I drew a fourth card after picking my cards back up; a king. _Naturally._

"Do you have any kings?" Camille asked, pressing her luck again.

"Here," I said, annoyed.

She put the matching pair of kings on the table in front of her. _How much was I losing by? I'm not even sure. I lost track. Okay, I didn't really lose track; I was just saying that because I'm losing by more now than I was a mere three seconds ago! _

"Got any sevens?" she pressed.

"This isn't even _fair_ anymore," I grumbled.

She took the card from me before putting it with her own seven, and placing that pair before her. _Now she was winning 9-2! That's not good! That's not good at all! _

"Do you have any twos?" she asked.

"I don't want to play with you anymore!" I whined.

_She was winning 10-2 now! With 26 pairs in a deck, that meant that there were 14 pairs left. In theory, I could still win 16-10. Ha! Right! And pigs can fly too! Well, at least she wasn't getting my three._ _That was something, right?_

"Got any tens?" she inquired.

"As if you even need to ask. Go fish," I retorted.

_Time for a recap; she has four cards in her hand. One of those cards is a ten. All four kings had already been matched up. That still left twelve ranks in play. With one card in my hand, that meant that I had a one-twelfth chance of getting a match. That's a 8.3 percent probability. Those are horrible odds, but I only have one card, so what can I do? The only legitimate chance I had of getting my third match was if the card Camille just drew was a three; three was the only rank besides ace to not have been matched up once yet._

"Do you have any threes?" I asked.

"Go fish," she responded. _Surprise, surprise!_

I fetched a card from the "pool;" it was an ace.

"Do you have any jacks?" she questioned.

"Go fish," I replied.

She drew a fifth card. _Things were finally starting to look up for me! Well, okay not so much, but at least I now knew what two of her five cards were; a ten and a jack. That is to say that I know forty percent of the cards she is holding! Forty percent! Of course, she knows fifty percent of the cards I am holding, but that's beside the point…_

"Do you have an ace?" I inquired.

_I was surprised as could be when she actually handed me an ace. I think I actually had to pick up my jaw as it had dropped. _I placed my third match on the table in front of me. _Okay, so she has four cards remaining; I know that she has a ten and a jack. Now, I know fifty percent of her cards. Granted, she knows one hundred percent of my cards now that I only have one, but that's neither here nor there…_

"Do you have any threes?" I asked.

She gave me a three. I placed the matched pair before me. I no longer had any more cards in my hand. Rules dictate that I then had to draw a new hand of seven cards. I ended up with another pair of threes, which I promptly set on the table in front of me, a 2, a 4, a 8, a 10, and a jack. _I was only trailing 10-5 now! I could hardly believe it!_

"Do you have a jack?" I said, grinning.

She forked over her jack, giving me my sixth pair. I set them down on the table alongside my other five pairs of cards. _10-6!_

"How about a ten?" I asked.

Camille gave me her ten. That match joined my others shortly afterwards. _10-7! Okay, let's take a moment to work out the statistics. Between the two of us, we had matched seventeen pairs. That left nine unmatched pairs. Camille had one card in her hand at the moment. I have three. Nine pairs is eighteen cards, and since we have four in our hands, that leaves fourteen cards in the "pool." All the threes and all the kings have been matched up. So have all the tens and jacks. That leaves nine ranks, ergo I have a three in nine shot of picking another match, which simplified is a one in three shot, or a 33.3 percent probability. _

Camille drained the rest of her lemonade, making short work of it. I could now hear her straw scraping the bottom of her cup, foraging for any last drops of lemonade. _There she goes again! Is she trying to be annoying?_ I decided to make her even more impatient, and leisurely sipped my lemonade.

"I sure hope you're thinking about your next move while you're quenching your thirst," Camille commented.

I shook my head. "Nope. One thing at a time, Camille. You _know_ I'm horrible when it comes to multi-tasking," I said slyly.

"You _do _realize that this game is only supposed to take 5-15 minutes, and we've been at it for…a half an hour now, don't you?"

"Wow! Has it only been _that_ long?"

I bit back my laughter as her face suddenly became colored.

"Do you mean to say that you've been taking forever _on purpose_?" she asked me.

"What? Me? Never? I am deeply hurt that you would accuse me of such a thing!" I teased.

"Whatever. Just make your move, Mitchell!"

I chuckled. _Uh-oh! She busted out my last name! She only does that when she's upset with me…I better be on my best behavior now…_

"Do you have any deuces?" I asked.

"I'm sorry. Any what?" Camille replied, confused.

"Deuces, twos."

"Well why didn't you say that in the first place? Who even calls twos deuces anyways?"

"I do."

"Yeah, but you're also weird."

"Oh, am I?"

"Just take your card."

When I went to grab her card, I soon found out that she wasn't so ready to let go of it. A sort of mini tug-of-war ensued.

"You're still winning. Now give me your card," I whined.

"Make me," she responded, tightening her grip even more.

With one emphatic tug, I pulled on the card. Not realizing my own strength, I ended up falling backwards off the bench. Camille, still holding onto the card as well, wound up landing on top of me. The wind was temporarily knocked out of me. Due to the fall, our faces were pressed up against one another.

"Are you okay?" Camille asked, genuine worry in her voice.

"I'm a little sore, you know, because you landed on me and all, but I'll survive," I replied.

I immediately noticed a change in her demeanor as her eyes roamed over my prone form. _She was so close too! Her soft lips were practically begging me to kiss them! No, no. We shouldn't. We can't. We're not even together anymore. We're just friends, and friends don't…kiss._

"Do you need me to kiss anything to make it better?" she asked in a sultry tone.

I sat up ramrod straight, Camille falling off me in the process.

"Oh! I see what you're trying to do here! To think, it _almost_ worked too! You're trying to distract me. That's what's going on here, isn't it? You're afraid that I might actually beat you, and you don't want to face the embarrassment," I remarked.

"Please," Camille said in her normal voice. "You couldn't beat me even if I was blindfolded."

_You can't play Go Fish blindfolded! Oh, wait. That was a figure of speech, wasn't it? Whew! It's a good thing I'm only thinking this to myself rather than saying it out loud! _

"It was just an expression, Logan," Camille said, giggling.

"What? How did…? I didn't…I know that," I replied awkwardly.

"Okay. Keep telling yourself that, but I saw the look on your face."

"You're doing it again!"

"What?"

"Stalling!"

"This coming from the person who took five minutes to decide what card to ask me for!"

"See? There you go?"

"Fine! You want to play? Let's play then!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

Camille and I took our seats once more. She drew seven more cards since she had been out of cards. I snuck a peek at my two cards. _It's been so long that I forgot what cards I even had in my hand. Oh, right. A four and an eight. Alright, so there are no more twos, threes, tens, jacks, or kings. That meant that there were eight ranks still in play. I had two ranks in my hand, so I had a two in eight shot of picking another match. Two-eighth reduces to one-fourth. That's a 25 percent chance._

"Do you have any fours," I asked.

Camille handed me a four. I set the pair of fours down on the table in front of where I was sitting. _10-9! I've almost caught up to her!_

"Have any eights?" I inquired.

She gave me another card. I placed that pair next to my nine other ones. _We were all tied up now! _I had to draw a new hand of seven cards, which was all that was left in the "pool." I drew a pair of aces, a five, a six, a seven, a nine, and a queen. I set the pair of aces on the table in front of me. _For the first time this game, I'm actually in the lead!_

That's when the realization hit me. _I was actually going to win! It was still my turn, and I no longer had any more matches in my hand, but that was only because Camille had the cards I needed. _I grinned like Cheshire cat.

"Do you have any queens?" I asked.

She gave me the match. I put it in its appropriate spot.

"How about a seven?" I inquired.

Same thing as with the queen.

"Let me see your six," I said.

She forked over her six. I added that pair to my collection.

"How about your nine?" I asked.

Camille handed me that card as well. I put it and its match next to my other fourteen pairs.

"I'll take your five, please," I stated.

She gave me her final card. I placed that match on the table before me.

"I'm sorry, but _who_ won?" I remarked playfully.

"You got lucky," Camille responded, her face white as a sheet.

"Luck had nothing to do with it. My brains are what gave me the winning edge."

"That's the first time you've ever beat me!"

"Yeah, because of my brains!"

"And where were your _brains_ the other 200 times we've played Go Fish?"

"…"

"Exactly! It was luck!"

_To the victor goes the spoils. Oh, that's right. The loser has to do whatever the winner says. Should I go with the usual? Ah, who am I kidding? There is no usual! This is, like Camille said, the first time I've ever beat her, or anyone for that matter, at Go Fish! Oh well. Time to start a new usual._

"So, what will it be?" Camille groaned.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I answered, winking at her.

**The End**

**A/N: Okay, this was really long and probably really stupid. I just didn't want to do a cop out and not have a clear cut winner. But the more the game progressed, the longer the story became. In addition to it being long and stupid, it was probably really boring too. I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't even have uploaded this…**


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